The decision to end my relationship with Wiggly and to return home to Diana and the children
This was going to be one of the saddest days of my life as I was to leave the one who I loved more than anyone else for the practical and emotional reasons of having to support my wife and care for my children.
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For ages I had been avoiding the crunch; wanting to keep my family life and children with Diana and fun and excitement with my soul-mate Wiggly. Then I had gone with my heart and had a blissful time with Wiggly, only to eventually realise what I was missing at home.
From being the cold and insensitive Diana, caring little for herself or me, Di had been making enormous efforts to change and keep me. First dramatic weight loss, then cosmetic leg surgery for varicose veins.
Now I was missing the children and the balance had turned in favour of me realising that I did not love Wiggly more than Diana and the girls taken together. I could not bear Di's suffering any more and the children needed me so much.
I would hope that Wiggly, being young with all going for her, could survive without me and that I had to choose between making one person or three people unhappy. Well, two if I counted myself. I was determined on this course as I got up early and helped Wiggly with breakfast and off to work.
Then out with Sam and a call to Diana to tell her what I had in mind. The rest of the morning clearing out my stuff and then unloading it at The Hayling View before driving over to Wiggly for lunch by prior arrangement.
She was a little late and so I ordered the drinks and food and was just settling on an outside table at The Falcon when she arrived. I told her planly and clearly that I had made a decision not to see her any more and why.
She was first shocked and said little; then angry and a little abusive and then cried a little and was sad. She walked back to her car and then sat there crying uncontrollably and, even though I went to her and tried to comfort her, I only made it worse so had to leave her sitting there in this state in the end.
It was horrible and I felt terrible. The drive back, the deed done, and then little time to think as I had to rush over to Cambridge late for my clinic appointment. Just a slight wart left and praise indeed from Sarah, "You have improved a lot since I started looking at your private parts!".
As I drove back, a call from the distraught Wiggly again saying that she had to try and get me back. She was desolate, her life no longer had any meaning, everything she had been doing was with me, this was horrible, she could not bear it, it was too much of a shock etc.
She was not going to hang up and so I had to in the end; saying that she could send me a long email if she wanted and I would reply. The car washed and vaccumed and back for Diana to take Della and her party friends bowling as this was her party and sleep-over.
I stayed back and duly received the sad message from Wiggly
"David, I have just been reading Wow! which you sent me on Thursday and it is hard to believe things have gone so horribly wrong since then. After all the things you've said to me I just can't believe that you've gone.
Every time a car stops outside I wonder if it is you, and everything here just reminds me of how great it all was - from the box of envelopes to the space in the bed where you used to be. I see you have taken the condoms and so are obviously intending to use them?
You could at least have pretended you were only going back for the girls. It is a bit galling that emotional pressure won out in the end and I wonder what you would do if you thought I was going to kill myself.
I can't see much reason to go on at the moment but maybe I'll think of something. More than anything I am upset that you didn't talk to me about this, and that I never got a chance to put my case. A
ll the while you were reassuring me and telling me you were completely sure about me and then you go and do this completely out of the blue. I can't help thinking there must be a better solution - I never wanted you to stop seeing the children, it was Diana you had the grievance with.
But I suppose now she's addressed all your complaints and she has the house and the children on her side, you have very little reason to leave her. It's not fair of you to say that I will find someone else because when you asked me that question the other night you said what would I have done if you hadn't come along, which is a very different question to what I would do if you left.
I am thoroughly devastated by this, David, and unlike you I have no-one to share it with. You've made my life so good over the last year but I suppose it was too good to last - no-one deserves to be so happy.
I was sad when we were coming back off holiday last week, but I was encouraged by the fact that I was coming home with you and my whole life was going to be that happy. Now it looks like that's not the case. I
can't get over you, and I'd beg you to change your mind if I thought it would make any difference. Don't leave me this way...Wiggly"
This was heart-breaking stuff and I replied later as follows,
"Wiggly/ I can see that it is hard after reading "Wow" how I could have changed my view of things in two days and I am sorry that this was all so sudden. The truth is that things had not gone horribly wrong between us since then.
My problem was missing the children after seeing them for a few days. From Debbie's Party, when I was most definitely needed, to Della's sports day, swimming etc I could not face life without close access to them.
Then Diana was in hospital and came home needing my help too. I believe her when she says it is to painful for her to see me so that I cannot see the children often enough for them or me.
I could not hang around your place, or even another of my own, without you constantly at hand to blot out my memory of them and it would have been wrong to try to get you to give up your job and house and make you even more vulnerable.
There was never ever anything wrong between us but I could not any longer say that I loved you more than Diana and the girls together even though three and one is not fair. I was faced with hurting three or one and so what could I do?
I took the condoms partly because I am still infected and have to try and rebuild my marriage with Diana but also (if I am honest with myself) because I was jealous in case you would use them with anybody else, even though I knew that was silly as you could get others.
I do see why you feel that emotional pressure won out in the end particularly as you have always been so understanding but I do not think that Diana is that scheming or clever.
Please do not ever think of killing yourself. You will come to realise that you have many things to live for and I know of many people who admire you and hold you in high esteem.
Also who is to say what my future holds as the kids grow up. If this turns into depression please seek both emotional and medical help. Samaritans are only one source of help and there are many others.
About the way I did this. I tried to talk round it last night and could see no way to go. I had to act for fear of hurting you even more in the future. I was reassuring you because this is not your fault that I feel so about my children.
It was my realisation that I had to live with them and holiday with them that was the trigger. There is no better solution that I can see. You are a creature of circumstance and our relationship could not have been better.
I will still love you from afar and watch you grow and succeed as you will. David"
The rest of the evening a bit numb and at my desk attending to paperwork. I had rested in the lounge briefly trying to eat the tea I had prepared for myself but the party girls came back and unceremoniously ejected me from this room.
To bed quite tired and to sleep soundly after some soul-searching conversations with Diana. The evening had ended with some difficulty as first Diana had brought only her own glass of water to bed, secondly she had left my car unlocked so that I had to go down from bed and lock it properly and thirdly she was hoping that we would be entwined in close affection when we needed to rest with her sore leg and get to know one-another again.